| A jumbo jet is making its final approach to the airport when the pilot speaks over the intercom: “This is your captain. We’re on our final decent into Portland. Thank you for flying with us, and enjoy your stay in the Portland area.” He forgets to turn off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear the conversation in the cockpit as the plane rolls to a stop. “So Skip, what do you have you got planned for our layover in Portland?” asks the co-pilot. “Well” the Captain answered, “first I’m going to have an ice cold dry martini, then I’m going to give that hot new stewardess a bang that she won’t soon forget!” Aghast and amused, the passengers can hear every word, and start looking up and down the isle to see which flight attendant he is talking about. Meanwhile the new attendant is seated at the back of the plane. She is so embarrassed that she gets up and runs for the cabin to turn off the intercom. Halfway there, as she pushes past passengers in the aisle, a biker babe calls after her, “Don’t forget the martini, Honey.” MORE AIRPLANE HUMOR After every flight of a freight carrier, pilots fill out a form called a “gripe sheet” that lets the ground crew know about problems with the aircraft. Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by pilots, (marked P) and solutions (marked E) by maintenance engineers: P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. |
P: Something loose in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. P: Friction lock causes throttle levers to stick. P: Suspected crack in windshield P: Number 3 engine missing P: Aircraft handles funny. P: Target radar hums. P: Mouse in cockpit. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like midget pounding something with hammer. ********** A plane took off from Sea-Tac in a rain storm and reached cruising altitude. The ride was getting bumpy when the Captain made an announcement over the intercom: “Ladies and gentleman, welcome to flight number 234. The weather ahead looks good. We are experiencing some turbulence right now but expect to…OH MY GOD!” |
Silence followed as the stunned passengers gripped their seat belts. The intercom came back on a minute later and the Captain apologized for scaring them. “While I was talking to you I spilled a hot cup of coffee in my lap,” he chuckled, “You should see the front of my pants!” A passenger in coach yelled, “That’s nothing! You should see the back of mine.” BACK ON THE GROUND A really bad looking biker with huge muscled arms covered with tats is having a beer at The Junction. When he goes out to leave he sees that his bike is missing. He goes back in and says loudly, “I’m going to have one more beer. If my bike ain’t back where I left it when I finish, the same thing that happened at “Baggers” is going to happen here.” With that, several guys ran out of the bar, and returned shortly to tell him his bike was outside where he left it, and washed. The bartender leaned over to him and said in a quaking voice, “What happened at Baggers?” The big guy winked at him and growled, “I had to walk home!” |
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